7 Therapist-Approved Self-Help Tools You Can Try at Home
In my work with clients over the years, one of the most common questions I get asked in therapy is, “What can I do at home between sessions?”
That question really matters—because real change doesn’t only happen in the therapy room. It happens at home, in practice, in the hard conversations and everyday choices you make when your therapist isn't there guiding you every step of the way.
While therapy teaches you some helpful strategies and provides insight, safety, and structure, those helpful strategies or self-help tools are what allow you practice your new skills in real life. Below are seven therapist-recommended strategies that many clients find helpful to try at home.
You don’t need to do all of them—start with one that feels doable and build from there.
1. Name What You’re Feeling (Before Fixing It)
This tool is also similar to the "Name It To Tame It" strategy we discussed in the Married & Confused Podcast yesterday.
I've found that it is common for many people to just jump straight into the problem-solving mode without pausing to identify what they’re actually feeling. Therapists often encourage clients to slow this process down. How can you fix something that you don't even know what it is?
Instead of rushing to fix, try this instead:
Ask yourself, “What emotion is present right now?”
Use specific words when possible (frustrated vs. angry, disappointed vs. sad). Be as descriptive as possible.
Notice where you feel it in your body. It is causing a dull headache or do you feel a pit in your stomach? Or maybe you feel it somewhere completely different.
Have you ever noticed that when you actually identify or name something, it suddenly seems less scary or overwhelming? Naming emotions reduces their intensity and helps your brain move out of survival mode and into solution mode. You don’t have to change the feeling—just acknowledge it.
2. Practice Thought Awareness (Not Thought Control)
This tool is similar to the "Ask Yourself Questions on Your Intrusive Thoughts" strategy we discussed in the Married & Confused Podcast yesterday.
You don’t need to stop negative thoughts to heal—but you do need to notice them. I always say that when you have awareness, you've already won more than half the battle. Many times, awareness allows us to acknowledge a feeling or emotion, just enough to recognize its existence, and then we can let it free.
A common therapeutic tool is learning to observe thoughts instead of automatically believing them. Or asking yourself questions about those automatic intrusive or negative thoughts.
Try this:
When a strong intrusive or negative thought shows up, ask: “Is this a fact or a fear?”
Gently add, “I’m having the thought that…” before repeating it.
Consider an alternative perspective without forcing positivity. Consider all the options or alternatives to this one thought.
This creates distance between you and the thought, which reduces its power.
3. Regulate Your Nervous System Daily
Many of our emotional struggles are connected to a dysregulated nervous system, not a lack of insight or willpower. Therapists often emphasize nervous system regulation as foundational work.
What is a dysregulated nervous system? It is an imbalance where your body's stress response and calming system get stuck, keeping you on high alert which is your sympathetic "fight or flight" state (anxiety, irritability) or shut down, which is your parasympathetic "rest & digest" state (numbness, calm, fatigue) mode, even without any real danger, often due to chronic stress or trauma, leading to physical, emotional, & mental symptoms like panic, fatigue, focus issues, or overreactions. It means your control center isn't shifting smoothly between "on" and "off" states, making everyday life feel overwhelming and difficult to calm down.
Simple regulation tools include:
Slow, deep breathing (longer exhales than inhales)
Breathe in for a count of 5 second and breathe out for a count of 8 seconds
Repeat until you feel your heartrate decrease and you feel the anxiety subside
Grounding through your senses
Name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you smell, 2 things you can taste and 1 thing you can touch
This regulates your nervous system by focusing your brain in the present moment, shifting it out of the sympathetic "fight or flight" state, into the calmer parasympathetic "rest & digest" state
This simply requires you to stop and notice the things around you in the present, redirecting your nervous system to refocus and reset.
Gentle movement like walking or stretching
This the body from the sympathetic "fight or flight" state to a parasympathetic "rest & digest" state. By combining breathing with slow movement, it reduces cortisol, releases tension, and sends signals of safety to your brain.
Limiting overstimulation before bed
This is important for regulating your nervous system because, again, it shifts your body from a "fight or flight" (sympathetic) state to a "rest & digest" (parasympathetic) state. In the evening, the brain needs to transition from processing all kinds of intense information to a more quiet, restorative mode. By reducing overstimulation prior to bedtime, the nervous system gets to the opportunity to come down from being on high alert, which is essential for falling asleep and thus, allowing your body to repair itself.
Consistency matters more than intensity. A few minutes each day adds up. In fact any small effort can make a world of difference. Several of these tips are highly recommended because you can do them anytime, anywhere without calling attention to yourself or needing any special equipment or space.
4. Set Small, Honest Boundaries
Therapy often reveals where boundaries are missing or unclear. Practicing small boundaries at home helps build confidence and self-trust. And it allows you to set bigger boundaries when necessary.
So start small:
Say no to one thing you’d normally say yes to out of guilt
So many of us are people pleasers. Whether we do it so that people like us or so they won't be disappointed, or we do it because that's what our culture or religion teaches, we all have said yes to things we really didn't want to do or didn't have the bandwidth to do.
With this small shift, you can begin to feel the relief and freedom of deciding for yourself what you can and cannot do.
Delay responding instead of answering immediately
Not everything is urgent. And someone else's "emergency" isn't necessarily your emergency. Feeling like we have to answer things immediately, often keeps our bodies on high alert, instead of keeping calm and regulated.
So, instead of feeling compelled to respond to things right away, take a beat and think about it first. By waiting, you often have a better response anyway.
But there is a caveat - there are occasions in which an immediate answer is necessary, but those are generally limited to extreme emergency situations.
Use simple language (no over-explaining)
Sometimes boundaries are set simply by keeping things simple. If people want or need more information, they can ask.
Healthy boundaries protect your energy and reduce resentment—without requiring conflict. It's important for our physical, mental, and emotional health, to protect our own energy. Make sure you have it available for the things that are truly important.
5. Create a “Pause” Between Trigger and Response
One of the most powerful tools therapists teach is learning to pause before reacting.
Try this:
Notice when you feel activated (tight chest, racing thoughts, urge to defend)
Notice where the feeling is in your body.
Determine what caused that feeling.
Take a few slow breaths
Don't respond right away.
Pause. Take a few breaths.
Ask yourself, “What response aligns with the person I want to be?”
How do you want to show up in these types of situations?
What response corresponds to the outcome I am hoping for?
You won’t do this perfectly. Progress looks like shortening the reaction time, not eliminating reactions altogether. Most of these difficulties developed over time and repetition. So that also means, they aren't going to go away quickly either. They will take time and repetition, as well.
6. Build in Self-Compassion (Not Self-Criticism)
It's important to know the difference. Many clients are far harsher with themselves than they would ever be with someone they love. Therapists regularly work to replace self-criticism with self-compassion.
Self-compassion is an adaptive, nurturing approach to personal mistakes and suffering. It involves kindness, mindfulness, an recognition that one is human. Self-compassion gives support and reduces emotional pain. Self-compassion separates the person from the action.
Self-criticism, in comparison, is a harsh, maladaptive, and fear-based reaction to mistakes or failure. It often leads to depression, anxiety, or even isolation. Self-criticism attacks oneself as a flawed person. Self-criticism believes the person is the problem.
Instead of being down on or criticizing yourself, try this instead:
Ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
This is so helpful because, again, it helps us separate ourselves from the situation. It depersonalizes it just enough to help us see the error of our thinking.
Acknowledge effort, not just outcomes
Our lives are not just summed up by outcomes and accomplishments. They are built up by small efforts and victories. So go ahead and acknowledge or even celebrate your increased effort. Each bit of effort is a stepping stone toward a larger success and eventual outcome.
Normalize struggle instead of shaming it
Let me just say this...we all struggle. It may look different and it may be in different areas of life, but every single person struggles or has struggled with something. It's normal. It's not anything to be ashamed of. In fact, most of the super successful leaders or companies we hear about today, only got to that level of success by working through many failures. They just kept adjusting. If they fell, they stood back up and tried again...each time getting closer to their goal.
Self-compassion doesn’t mean avoiding accountability—it means changing without punishment.
7. Reflect Instead of Ruminate
Reflection helps you learn; rumination keeps you stuck. Reflections allows you to look back and see, and understand where change and improvement is needed. Rumination keeps you stuck in a vicious cycle of negative negative thinking. It’s so helpful to take the perspective of trying to learn something from every situation. Therapists often guide clients toward intentional reflection.
Helpful questions:
What did I notice about myself in that situation?
What worked—even a little? The answers to this show the strengths we can build upon.
What would I try differently next time? What did you see that could be a positive change?
Write it down if possible. Clarity grows when thoughts leave your head and land on paper.
A Final Encouragement
Self-help tools are not a replacement for therapy, but they are a powerful extension of it. Self-help tools allow you to help yourself between therapy sessions, while you continue to grow and learn. You don’t need to do everything right—or even consistently—to benefit. Change happens through small, repeated moments of awareness and choice.
If you’re already in therapy, bring these experiences into your sessions. If you’re not, these tools can still help you build insight, emotional resilience, and self-trust—right where you are.
Growth doesn’t require perfection. It requires willingness.
If you'd like to read any of my previous blog posts, please click here.
If you're interested in receiving couples or individual therapy, please visit my website to schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.mustardseedchristiancounseling.com
I provide online individual and couples counseling throughout Tennessee, California, South Carolina, and Florida.
Website - www.MustardSeedChristianCounseling.com
Instagram - @brittaniedmillslmft
Facebook - www.facebook.com/brittaniedmillslmft
Email - bdmills@brittaniedmillslmft.com
Phone - (925) 335-6122
The Mustard Seed Marriage Podcast
Married & Confused Podcast
