There are lots of things to consider before you say “I Do”. Frequently, I find that couples in the early stages of a relationship are still so blinded by love, that they can’t see the red flags or haven’t taken the time to think about some of the bigger issues that will come up in a marriage.

As a Christian, it’s important to put Christ at the center of your relationship from the start.

Things go so much smoother and relationships last when the people involved talk through their values and goals together before the legally binding vows. It’s best for both people to know where the other person stands on important topics, such as:

• Spiritual Compatibility & Shared Faith

  • Faith journey: Are both partners actively following Jesus and prioritizing their faith? Do both partners share the same faith?

  • Spiritual leadership: How will you approach spiritual leadership in the home?

  • Church involvement: How will you be involved in a church as a couple and as a family?

  • Tithing and giving: What are your views on giving a portion of your income to the church?

  • Biblical authority: Do you both see God's Word as the highest authority in your lives and marriage

• Future Goals

  • How do your individual goals for career, education, and lifestyle align?

  • Are you each willing to make changes or sacrifices for the other person’s goals? 

• Finances

  • How will you budget and manage money? Do you have any debt?

  • How will you handle financial goals? What are each partner’s spending and saving habits?

  • Do you want to maintain a savings account? Do you want to save for children’s college funds?

• Children & Discipline

  • Do you want children, and if so, how many?

  • How will you raise them and what are your expectations about discipline? Do you believe in spanking?

  • What are each partner’s expectations about their children’s education?

• Family Roles & Dynamics

  • Who will be the primary breadwinner? Will both partners work outside the home?

  • How will you divide household responsibilities?

  • Have you discussed your own family backgrounds and any negative habits or dynamics you want to avoid?

  • What are your relationships with your parents like, and how will you navigate them as a couple?

• Communication

  • Can you communicate openly and honestly?

  • Do you know each other’s communication styles?

  • Do you understand each other's personality differences and how to work through them?

  • Have you been open about past pain and any emotional baggage you carry?

  • Have you openly discussed expectations around physical intimacy?

• Conflict

  • Do you know how to fight fairly? Do you know each other’s conflict styles?

  • How will you resolve disagreements and hurt feelings?

  • Are you both prepared to build trust and offer forgiveness?

Christian Pre-Marital and/or Marriage Counseling is highly recommended to navigate these topics thoroughly with a neutral third party, who understands the importance of faith in your marriage.

Whether you’re getting ready to get married or you’ve been married a while, at Mustard Seed Christian Counseling, I can help you put all the cards on the table, so you can make an informed decision about how to spend the rest of your lives together and what issues you may need to address more closely.